Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconoptimaldecay: More from OptimalDecay


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
November 12, 2012
File Size
932 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
213
Favourites
20 (who?)
Comments
10
Downloads
5
×
Beneath the normal
Where the tides of life swell
a crimson threat mingles with current events

There is blood in the water
All our thrashing comes to nothing
Those toothed monsters smell us, distant though they are

We've tried and cried
For far too long we have wept tears of wood and concrete
There is blood in the water

Would you hold my face to the flames
to maintain these rosy cheeks?
Set me afire, then, as is your wont

The wind will not change the direction
of this fire, of this final solution
The water will be red, regardless of ash and soot

Seeping will be the new thing
It will sell records, won't it?
Mired by sired sorrows, we will sink together

There is blood in the water
Something for nobody.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmusicislove98:
This is beautiful. that's something i always end up saying about your works. I honesly wonder what inspired it. The way this was written seems as though the author was a tortured soul, and that alone makes my heart shatter. You, sir, have the ability to move people with your words. Im not sure you know it quite yet, but you moved me, that's for sure. everything you write inspires me to change something about the world. If that was your goal, you've acomplished it. I only have one criticism. Please make them longer. You pull people in, and I honestly don't want to go quite yet :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconnearlyinvisiblemind:
NearlyInvisibleMind Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:clap:Amazing:rose:
Reply
:iconthemoormaiden:
TheMoorMaiden Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Writer
I like this a lot. :D The repetition of There is blood in the water is really quite haunting. I love the line: Set me aifre, then, as is your wont, it's just a beautiful, beautiful line. :)

Gorgeous poem. Keep writing!
Reply
:iconoptimaldecay:
OptimalDecay Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
;) Thank you!
Reply
:iconthemoormaiden:
TheMoorMaiden Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconciscobuddy:
ciscobuddy Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
You never disappoint with your prose. Completely enjoyed it.
Reply
:iconoptimaldecay:
OptimalDecay Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconciscobuddy:
ciscobuddy Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
Always welcome.
Reply
:iconcobaltofmarch:
CobaltOfMarch Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
"We've tried and cried
For far too long we have wept tears of wood and concrete
There is blood in the water"

I love that stanza and, above all, the line: "there is blood in the water", repeated 3 times in the poem. I think the repetition strengthens the concept and makes it even more palpable.
Reply
:iconoptimaldecay:
OptimalDecay Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you kindly! :)
Reply
:iconcobaltofmarch:
CobaltOfMarch Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
You're very welcome! :)
Reply
Add a Comment: